


Elementary

by MrProphet



Category: Sherlock (TV), The Muppet Show
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 14:47:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10699215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrProphet/pseuds/MrProphet





	Elementary

“This is ridiculous, John,” Sherlock insisted. “I can not be expected to work under these conditions.”

John assayed a look of shock and dismay. “You're not saying you can't crack the case, are you?” he asked. “No deductions from the facts?”

“Facts? What facts?” Sherlock's voice was tight, his body language controlled, but John could see the fiercely contained fury in his eyes; the anger he only felt when faced with the gross stupidity of the world around him. “There are no facts here, John. I work by an ineluctable process of logic which, in this place... appears not to apply.”

“Mr Holmes! Mr Holmes? Wire for Mr Holmes.”

Sherlock shot John a look that seemed to say 'I told you so' before turning to face the comedian. “Yes.”

“Are you Mr Holmes?”

“Yes.”

The comedian hung a coat hanger on Sherlock's shirt. “Wire for you.”

“There's a... logic to it,” John suggested. “An internal consistency.”

“John! Get down!” Sherlock grabbed John and shoved him down underneath the manager's desk as a storm of flashing trotters stampeded past.

When things got quiet, John popped out and stared after the pigs onto the stage. “I think that's all of...”

“Gangway! Coming through!”

John crashed to the floor under the weight of a large, female pig. He knew that she was female, because she was wearing a pink, chiffon gown and had long, blonde hair in a feminine style. John turned from her to face Sherlock. “You knew that was going to happen,” he accused as he struggled to his feet.

“Well, as you say; there's a logical consistency to this place. In fact, if I were you, I'd stay down for now.”

“Why...?”

“My hat!” The female pig charged past again, knocking John back to the ground. “Scooter!”

“I think I'll stay down here a while longer,” John agreed.

With a soft flap of flippers, the manager padded over. “Are you all right down there, Dr Watson?”

“Fine, thank you.”

“How is the investigation going? I gotta tell you, people are starting to worry.”

Sherlock sprang nimbly out from under the desk. “Mr The Frog,” he said, “it is my considered opinion that there is no case to solve here.”

“But what about the Muppet Burglar?” the frog protested.

“There is no Muppet Burglar,” Sherlock replied. “Nothing has been stolen. The jewellery box got up and walked away; you'll find it in the canteen, eating a plate of vegetables.”

“What kind of vegetables?”

“What else? Twenty-four carrots.” Sherlock turned and looked across the desk. “Wonderful; a whole new form of insanity to experience. John! We're leaving while I retain any vestige of the fourth wall.”

John struggled up. “What?”

“Don't worry about it; don't even think about it and  _don't stand there_!”

“Why...?”

“Gangway!”

Now John turned to face across the desk, just as Sherlock had done. “Of course,” he sighed, as the pig ran him down again.


End file.
